Comatose
by Nessie'sLaTuaCantante
Summary: A scar on my wrist represents represents evertime your name went through my head. . ." Bella's suicide note. Why? Bella is suicidal, and she has run out of other options. Very OOC. Please give it a chance.
1. Suicide

(hey! OMG i had sooooo much fun writing that fan fic, so i decided to write another!)

_**Comatose . . . **_

**BPOV**

_**Dear Kitty,**_

**It's been a few months since that gaymofafo left me. I loved him, but he **_**had**_** hurt me. So, what's a girl to do when she's heartbroken and depressed? There's therapy, and that's just not what I need. Then, getting over Edward. As if. And, lastly, killing myself. Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner!**

**I had started cutting a few weeks after Edward left. I had been reluctant the first time, but after I felt the **_**relief**_** of not feeling the pain. Tonight would have been our nine month anniversary. Just to let you know, I am sick of this. When people found out that I cut, they didn't freak. They accepted it. Except Lauren. She called me the 'emo freak,' and that whole deal. Tonight would be the last night I'd be feeling like this. **

**I'd already had it planned; wait for Charlie to go to sleep. get the razor blade, then bleed to death. Or maybe suffication. Either works for me. **

**Lots of love,**

_**Bella**_

I drapped my pen and sighed. I really was sick of this. I hated it. But I lied to Kitty. I didn't hate

being called names. I didn't hate being labled, it was the idiot's fault that I was doing this. He made me this way. Ha. I hope he's happy. Now for the note . . .

_**Dear Edward, I hope you are very happy with the life that you have chosen. I was not happy when you left me. I didn't know what to do, I started cutting. A scar on my wrist represents everytime your name ran threough my head. **_

_**I hate feeling like this. I'm so tired of trying to fight this. I'm asleep and all I dream of is waking to you. Tell me that you will listen. Your touch is what I'm missing. And the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing you. Comatose. I'll never wake up without an overdose of you. **_

_**I don't want to live, I don't want to breathe, 'les I feel you next to me. YOu take the pain I feel. Waking up to you never felt so real . . . **_

_**Love, **_

_**Isabella Marie Swan **_

_**P.S. too bad my name isn't Isabella Marie Cullen **_

As I wrote the note, tears started to fall. I didn't _want_ to do this. But did I have any other choice? Not that I could see. I was torn inside. Whenever I had dreams of him, I stopped breathing. I felt my heart rippping out again and again. The pain was seering, it ripped out my heart, then the knife that had hurt me slid down my chest, cutting out all the vital organs I needed to survive. My heart throbbed, duh-duh, duh-duh. I couldn't breathe. It hurt to breathe. I couldn't feel my hands. I couldn't feel anything except the horrible pain that my heart felt. If I survived, I would have to face this, my family, and their accusing eyes. I would know that _they_ are right. I can't do this, though. I can't pretend that I'm okay when I'm not. I just don't want to live any more.

If he ever broke his promise, I don' think I could forgive him. Look at the mess he left! _But,_ a voice argued,_ you need me. I need you, Bella, love._ OMG That's was Edward's voice. I gasped. I smelled his scent.

I shook my head. I couldn't let my fantasies get to me. Not now. I can't stop now. I had the note, the plans, everthing was in place.

I heard Charlie's snores. It was time.

I entered the bathroom, and grabbed the razor. I turned on the water. I knew what I was going to do.

Twenty minutes later, I submerged in the water.

"Bella!" I heard my angel call. . .

**EPOV**

I ran, as fast as I could. I ran to my love. I saw what she was going to do.

"Bella!" I called as I enterd her room. "Bella, don't do It!" I ran into the bathroom, and saw the sight.

There was blood everywhere. I held my breath. On the mirror, in blood was written: "I loved you, but it wasn't good enough." I saw the note on the counter. I read it, and turned. I could still hear her heartbeat; it was faint. I had to. I turned off the water.

Could I stop in time?


	2. Comatose

(Hey,peeps! Okay, this was supposed to be a one-shot, but since I wrote that when I was _really_ tired, I forgot to mention that. LOL don't kill me. BUt, since I love you so much, here is another Chapter.)

**BPOV**

_**Dear Kitty**_

__**It was so confusing, that day. I swore I heard Edward's voice, but then again, I was on the brink of death, so I really hadn't known. **

**Then, I saw him. **

**His black eyes pierced into mine, demanding. **

**"Bella!" He had called. That's when everything wnet black, Kitty. I was scared. I could hear my heart, beating wildly. But nothing more. Then everything hurt, so badly. Nothing could ever compare. One day, my eyes opened to find Edward starting intently into them. What was his problem? Couldn't he keep his promise? **

**I knew, of course that he was going to leave as soon as I was well. So why not kick him out now?**

**We talked for hours, arguing, agreeing, apologizing, forgiving.**

** Time seemed to stop. We sat there, staring into each other's eyes. Gold and brown. Fire and Ice. Human and Vampire. **

**"So, are you leaving me?" I asked, nonchantly. I never added **_**again**_**, but it hung in the air, like fog on a mountain.**

**Edward froze, and his facade faded. I saw the pain, so clear on his face. I saw the horror of his "nightmares" in his eyes, I saw the agony etched upon his furrowed brow, I saw the truth in the way his lips curved downward.**

**I couldn't stand it. I kissed him, pressing very inch of me to him, wakinging him out of his reviere. **

**He kissed back fervently. I had missed him. Too much. And he had missed me, I could tell by the way he held me, the way his mouth molded to mine, the way his hands snaked around my waiste. We may have kissed for a moment, maybe hours, I don't know. I just woke up, in my bed this morning. I thought it had been a dream when I felt no Edward beside me. Either that, or he left. Again. **

**That cued the tears. I sat and cried all day. When I heard my window opened, I turned. I saw a flash of white, then Edward's musical voice filled my ears.**

**"What is it, love?" His velvet voice was impossibly more beatiful than it had been before.**

**"I-I thought that-you-gone," was all I managed to choke out. I had honestly thought that he had left again. "Cahrlie?"**

**"He thinks that this was all a bad dream. He's very gullibe, you know," Edward teased. **

**It took me a few minutes to form a proper sentence. Then I became angry. Let's just say that Edward was afriad of me for once.**

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, Edward's here, I must go, he can't read this! I'll come back later!**

**Love,**

**Bella**

I put down my pen, shoved my diary under my pillow, and flew to my bed when Edward entered.

"Hello, love. How are you?"

"Fine." His eyes danced. He knew.

"Why?"

I didn't understand, and then, _bam_, it hit me.

"You left. I have nothing without you."

"That's no-"

"Yes it is! How would you feel if I left you?"

He didn't respond. I had won the battle, not the war.

Speaking of battles, guess what? Edward and I were having the "changing" battle again. I didn't want this anymore. I had changed my mind in the few months he was gone. Is that too much? Hadn't _he_ been the one on this side, just a few months ago?

Oh, well.

Edward had been gone for a total of ten minutes, but that was too long. I closed the distance between us and pounced on him.

"Mmm, what's this?" He asked, teasing.

"I missed you."

"I was gone ten-"

I cut him of with a glare. He fully understood. He kissed me, which took me by surprise. When the kiss grew more intense, I became worried. Was he in control?

"Don't worry, love. I'm in control." Can he suddenly read my mind? Eek.

The next thing I knew, I was on my bed, Edward was on top of me. My next thought: "OMG!"

For the next three hours, my only thoughts were '_La lalalalalalalalaaaaaaaaalalallalalala_.' Man, was I happy when I woke up the next day. Edward was happy, too.

He started singing _Good Morning, Beautiful_ by Steve Holy. I giggled and blushed. when the second courus came, I sang along. "Good morning, beautiful. How was your night? Mine was wonderful with you by my side." I was really happy this morning. I was slightly sore _down there_, but other than that, I was okay.

"Edward?"

"Yes love?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

I sat there, in his arms, for what seemed like forever and a day. I started humming, then I sang a different song.

"I don't wanna live I don't wanna breathe 'les I feel you next to me you take the pain I feel

waking up to you never felt so real I don't wanna sleep I don't wanna dream cause my dreams don't comfort me The way you make me feel Waking up to you never felt so real," my voice cracked. I said, "Edward, when you left, I was gone. My body was here, by my heart and soul was with you."

He nodded his head. "I understand, Bella. I feel exactly the same way."

"Don't," I commanded.

**EPOV**

When Bella fell asleep, I saw something peeking out form under her pillow. I pulled it out and read it.

"_Dear Kitty_

_Today, I arrived at Forks. It's raining. Go figure. Nothing special to right about. . ."_

I flipped some pages.

_"Dear Kitty,_

_Edward took me to the meadow today. It was beautiful. I hope we go there often. . . "_

I flipped some more pages.

_"Dear Kitty,_

_It's been awhile sice I wrote in here. Edward left. I can't believe it . . ."_

I read the whole . It started the day she arrived, and ended today. I read every pain, every joy, and every other thing. I was looking at all the blank pages, when I saw a section titled "Lyrics." I read through all the songs, "Pens And Needles" by Hawthorne Heights, "Comatose" by Skillet. I stopped at that song. I read the lyrics. She had the lyrics in the suicide note, she had sang them to me. This song reminded her of me. I put her in a coma- not a real one, but a mental coma. I had caused her endless pain for three agonizing months. I couldn't believe it. Alice was right. She _was_ better with us, than without. I promised my self that Bella was nnever leaving my side.

"I am never going to leave you agian, Bella," I told the sleeping figure. I crossed the room, and laid down beside her. "I will never, ever leave."

As I watched her sleep, her heart beat grew faint. Oh, no!

I rushed her to the hospital. I talked to Carlisle after what seemed like ages.

I ran to her room (human speed), and he was standing there, sullen.

"What is it?"

"Comatose."


	3. Stopped

EPOV

I couldn't believe it, but here was my angel in front of me, in a coma. Everyday she slipped closer to death.

It had been a few days since I had watched her sleep. She lost too much blood, Carlisle explained, time after time. I couldn't believe it.

"Bella, love, if you can hear me, I am sorry. I truely am. I never should have left. I still don't understand why I left. I'll never forgive my self."

This was how I spent my days. The monster had not been the blood thirsty, but the heart-breaking vampire, who had diven this girl to death. To cutting. To risking her life everytime the blade drew blood.I hated this. I couldn't hear her voice, couldn't see her beautiful brown eyes. This was the second time in a week that she has been in the hospitable. All becase of me.

She was going to die. I had two options.

CPOV

A few days ago, Edward had called, and we both rushed to the hospitable, trying to save Bella's life. After stablizing her, I faced my son.

"Comatose," I said. He looked incredulous.

"What?" he managed to choke out.

"Coma, Edward, she's in a coma. She won't last long. You have to make your mind." _Soon,_ I added in my head.

He stood there, shaking his head.

EPOV

The days passed, slowly, too slowly. My angel's hearbeat grew fainter. Fainter. I hated this. I held her hand, talked to her. I did everything I could think of. Nothing worked. She never came out of this state. Nothing could wake her up. Nothing.

I tried to calm myself by listening to her heartbeat. That didn't help. I listened to the _tick, tick, tick_ of the clock. That made time slower, somehow.

Was this hell?

I stopped hunting. I couldn't leave her side. I'd be to worried to focus.

I stopped breathing. I didn't want to put her in more danger.

I stopped thinking. It hurt too much to think.

I stared at her beautiful face for a while.

I stopped noticing the people around me; thier touches, soothing words.

If my heart could have, it would have stopped.

Time stopped.

Everything stopped.

My dead heart twisted in ways that should never be. It twisted and turned, till numb. Then, when I thought it was OK, it started throbbing agian.

I looked at my love's face.

Ouch!

Damn heart.

Time passed, but I took no notice.

"Edward! Edward!" What?

"Yes?" I asnwered in a monotone.

"Look at me, listen to my thoughts!" I was talking to Alice. I paid attention to her thoughts. She had a vision. I snapped back to Bella. I had to.

I leaned to Bella's neck.

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BPOV

I heard his voice. What was his name? I had no clue, all I knew was whenever I heard his voice, my heart stuttered. I loved him.

I couldn't move.

I stopped trying to move. I just let my thoughts drift.

I was in a meadow with an impossibly beautiful creature; a vampire, as my anonymous lover had confirmed my thoughts. Then, there was when he left me. I knew he was was with me now, so the memories didn't hurt. I knew that he, whoever he was, would never leave. He said so.

Then, time stopped. His breathing stopped. Did he leave? No. He said so.

Everything was black. Time had no meaning to me.

Somebody else talked to him. What was his name? I didn't catch it!

Oh, no. His voice is flat.

I felt my anonmyous breathe on my neck.

"Bella, Jake's here," He sighed into my neck.

"Stop,that tickles!" I ried to say, but I couldn't move my lips.

"Bells?" I heard a huskey voice. I loved this voice, too, but not as much as the velvet one. "I heard your-- Edward-" He spat-" says that you can hear me."

Hmmmm . . . so the velvet voice was named Edward. This is my anonynous lover. And the husky voice was called Jake. I wanted to cry. I was happy.

I wanted to raise my hand. I tired.

My finger twitched.

Edward and Jake took a sharp breath.

"Do that again, Bells!"

"If you can,"Edward added.

I twitched my whole hand this time. I knew what I wanted to do.

I wanted to see my angel. I opened one eye then the other.

I saw his face. He was beautful, but my memry hadn't done him justice.

I wanted to smile. My lips twitched.

But they were focused on my hand. I moved it. Then, my whole arm moved. I moved my hand to my face. They finally noticed my eyes were open.

"Bella!" Edward said.

I needed a kiss. This was hard work.

I took my hand, pressed two fingers to his lipes, then mine. He didn't understand. I repeated the motion.

"Kiss her," Jake said. I moved my eyes to Jake, and motioned with my finger to come to me. I put my fingers to his lips, then to my cheek. The boy wasted no time. Then Edward kissed me. I almost moaned in realief.

"Thank _goodness_!" I blew out in relief.


	4. Decisions

(ahahahahahah omg i found the funniest thing ever! okay, there is picture form harry potter (the goblet of fire) in the movie. it has the guy that plays harry talking to the guy who plays cedric (and edward). the guy who plays haryy : trust me, in a few years, i'll be running around naked on broadway, but the girls will be flocking to you. guy who plays cedric: Srsly? the guy who plays cedric that has this look on his face that just screams :no way!

i found another one that has the guy who plays edward in his vampie form, wh ohas the bella person on his back. his face looks like he's pissed and it says "why cant she just WALK to school?"

ill put the links on my profile. lol

in other news (ummm) i have a cold, and my bofriend may or may not like my best friend. that's so stupid. here's chapter 4!)

EPOV

"Thank _goodness_!"

I laughed. Only Bella.

"How long have I been . . . " She asked tentativly.

"A month," the dog cut in. She cut her eyes to Jake.

"Didn't ask you, now did I?"

"No."

She pointed to the door. His face fell, and he left. I waited till he was all the way down the hall before I laughed. Bella joined me. "I wanted to be alone with you for a while," she said, while turning a beautiful shade of pink.

Without thinking, I leaned forward and kissed her again, with more passion than needed. Bella's human reaction _was_ expected when she wrapped her hands around my neck and knotted her hands in my hair. After all, she is _human_. But _my_ reaction was uncalled for. I was too wrapped up in the moment, not paying attetion. I accidentally bit her lip. I didn't know what was wrong when she pulled back until she moved her hand from her lip.

"You _bit me_!" she accused. "What the hell, Edward?"

I stared at her, incredulous. "Did I?"

"Umm, _hello_? My lip is bleeding and you were kissing me! Who else could have?" She demanded.

Then it hit me! I did! "Omigosh, Bella I'm so sorry! I should have been paying attention, but I wasn't and now-" I was cut off by her whimper. "What?"

"It burns," She cried. "Ow! Edward! It burns! Make it stop, Edward!" My angel was crying in pain, and I could only think of one thing.

"Bella, you have to be very quiet, okay? Don't make a sound."

She nodded. I called to Carlisle, and explained to him. Only vampires had a chance of hearing.

I was taking Bella to our house, and I was going to completely change her.

Twenty minutes later, she lay on my couch. I stared at her intently. She had her eyes closed.

"Bella? I called, low and urgent. One chocolate eye met mine. "Bella, I'm going to change you. To prove that I'm never going to leave you. Do you understand?" She nodded. "I love you, Bella. It'll all be over soon."

With that, I bent down to her neck. She whimpered. I thought in fear. "Afraid, are we?" I teased. She shook her head.

"Not of you, Edward," she said in a barely audible voice, even so I had to listen intently, "I'm afraid that I won't wake up."

"It's okay, Bella, of course you'll wake up." I pressed my teeth to her neck.

(I'm sorry for the really short chapter, but I promise I'll update later, Kay? I have everything ready for the next chapter, and I'll have it up before 6:00 central. But I also have to update Once Upon a Dream, so . . .

REVIEW!!

~Nessie's Singer


	5. Vampires

(sry, i was late. It took me longer than i thout to write chapter ten for once upon a dream)

EPOV

When I bit her neck, I was afraid that I might not be able to resist. But somehow I did.

I bit Bella where ever I could, so the venom could enter her veins as soon as possible. I even put venom by her heart, so that it would be over with quicker.

I held her the whole time. from the moment I stopped biting her, to the moment it was finished. I listened to her heart.

Almost three days later, her heart became faster, more frenzied. Then, it became faint. It stopped. I watched Bella's face, waiting to see her eyes. They would no longer be chocolate brown; that I had already faced. Her skin was now like mine. She was no longer warm, but warm to me. Her blood would no longer tempt me.

"Bella?" I called. Her heart hadn't beat for a few minutes. She took a deep breath in. She stirred, then opened her eyes. They were not crimson, as I had thought, but they still remained brown. How could that be?

She sat up, and got off of my lap. She stared at me. ????

"Bella, it's me, Edward."

A light flickered somewhere in my brain that acknowledged this. She jumped on me, squeezing me. "Ow. Carefully, Bella."

She stood back, and mouthed the word "oops."

"You're stronger than I am. For now," I grinned.

"Edward?" Her voice was wonderful! It was the sweetest of bells, the most perfect harmony of any sounds on this planet, or anywhere else.

"Yes, love?"

"When I opened my eyes, you looked at me like something was wrong. Why?"

"Your eyes, they aren't crimson. They're the same color. They haven't changed a bit."

She thought about this, and simply shrugged. "Let's hunt." she announced.

Half and hour later, we were sitting in my room. She was very graceful, even for a vampire.

She was humming. I recongnized the tune.

I went over to her, picked her up, and playfully tossed her on the bed.

"Just because I'm a vampire doesn't mean that you can stop treating me like a lady!" she said.

I laughed while pinning her to the bed.

I didn't have to be careful anymore. I wouldn't have to worry about killing her every second of the day.

She kissed me, sensing the mood change. It was so forceful, I gasped. She just grinned under the kiss. She pulled me closer, and licked my bottom lip. I gladly let her in. She was a good kisser, I'll have to admitt. Then again, she's the only one I've kissed, so she has no compitiion. I almost laughed at myself

Bella's hands slid from around my neck down to my pants. She pulled on the belt loops.

"Anxious?"

She nodded. "Now that I'm a vampire, you have no right not to make love, Edward. I've waited long enough."

Before she could finish, I had done exactly what she had wanted . . .


	6. Telepathy

OMFG I AM SOOOOO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING!!! I MOCED, AND NOW I DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO A COMPUTER!!!!!! I AM SOOOO SOOO SORRY!!! HERE IS YOUR CHAPTER!!!

EPOV

When I'd turned Bella, I was rady to give uper her chocolate brown eyes that could make me do anything she wanted me to do. But, instead of my topaz eyes meeting crimson, they met chocolate. There's another odd thing about Bella -- She has the ability to sleep.

Now, she donesn't need to sleep, but that's still a nice thing to have; to be able to sleep and escape everything, if only for a short while.

But it didn't syop there. She could make other vampires sleep. Because of Bella, for the first time in over onehundred years, I slept. I loved it.

Of course, whenever I slept, I had dreams of Bella. It was always the same dream: we were in the meadow, and she was still human. I was showng her that I sparkle, and instead of her talking it calmly, she runs off, and when I try to calm her down, Jacob Black comes out of no where, and she runs into his arms. That's usually where I wake up. My dead heart tries to stutter in my chest, but it never does. Noboyd has to be Jasper to know that I'm scared/upset about that dream.

The first time I had that dream, I rolled over and shook Bella out of her slumber. She groaned and rolled over.

"Hmm?"

"Do you like Jacob Black?" I'd ask her.

Hef face had wrinkled in disgust. She went on to tell me she would never love him at all. What really took me by syrprise is when she kissed me and made it impossible to resist her not so secret lust for me.

Tonight, we decided that we didn't need to sleep. Tonight Bella was going to show me something with her sheild-- the little glich in her brain that made it impossible for me to read her mind, and every other mental thing not affect her.

I had hunted earlier in the week, but Bella doesn't need to hunt as often as we do. This girl defeats all the odds. I was going to hunt tonight, just because Bella had asked me to.

I ran towards the wood.

Twenty minutes later, I opened the door to my bedroom, to find Bella splayed out on our bed. He music was turned up really loudly -- what was that??

_"Scream_

_Like you believe it_

_Scream_

_Till you feel it_

_Screamin' out loud_

_Scream_

_Like you believe it_

_Scream_

_Till you feel it_

_Screamin' out loud!"_

I made my way over to Bella, and pulled her out of her little world by kissing her on her soft spot, which was ironically her neck. Her eyes flew open, then she smiled, and took out her head phones, laid them and her iPod on the table, and pulled me on top of her. She kissed me fiercly, and I kissed her back with the same passion. (Yall really don't want to know what happened next-- but if you do, I'll write it and post the link oin my profile later!)

BPOV

I sighed. Sex with Edward was the best. I was downstairs in the living room, and I let my sheild down, so Edward could read my thoughts. They were thoughts about what I wanted to do to him tonight. I heard him chuckle.

"Bella, Bella, Bella. What am I going to do with you?" my Greek god said, coming down the stairs.

_Well, we could always_- I began to think, but instead, I showed him the mental image in my head. His breathing hitched.

"Hey, could you guys like, calm down?" Jasper begged from upstairs.

"It's all Edward's fault!"

Edward just shook his head and grinned.

"Come here," I said. Edward walked over to the couch. I put my hands around his neck. My sheild wrapped around him, and he could "hear" my thoughts. He gasped.

"Oh, Bella!" was all he could muster. But here's the thing: I could read his mind, too. I let him know that without saying a word.

We talked mentally for a few minutes. _Here's what I really wanted to show you,_ I thought. I showed him what I felt like when he told me he was a vampire, what I felt like when I woke up and he was there that one morning. I showed him what I felt when I met his family, what it felt like at the baseball game, what it felt like when James was after me. I showed him what I flet like when I confronted James, and when he saved me from that mother fucker. I showed him the dream where I was old, and he was still 17. I let him feel my emotions when he said he didn't love me, and I let him feel when he said he would never leave me. Last but not least, when he made love to me for the first tim and when I realized that I _could_ be with him forever.

His thoughts ranged from amazed to repraoachful. But when I let him feel what I felt that night he first made love to me, his thoughts were not coherent at all. They were amazed, confused, awed, and ecstatic all at once.

_I love you_, I thought, with so much sincerity that it made poor Edward's head spin.

_I love you, too._

_**Love it? Hate it? Too short? Please tell me!!**_

_**Love,**_

_**Nessie's La Tua Cantante**_

_**P.S. if you leave a reveiw, I will give you a sneak peek of the next chapter!!!**_


	7. AN

SORRY, SORRY, SORRY, SORRY, SORRY, SORRY, SORRY!!!!!! I AM *SO* SORRY!!!! WRITER'S BLOCK+LOTS OF ESSAYS IN ENGLISH=NO UPDATES!!! I AM SOOOOOO SORRY!!!

But, now for something WAY more important. I need your opinions. What do you want to happen? Seriously. I don't KNOW what to write!!! Leave a review or PM me. I won't be able to update till I get some ideas. C'mon, I know you want to!!!


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